Advent is a time for families to "get back to the basics" and bond

Getting back to the basics at Advent will help families “start over” and bond as they prepare for the coming of Jesus at Christmas, said Darryl Ducote, director of the Office of Family Life for the Diocese of Baton Rouge.       

“During the year we get caught up with so many activities, and even liturgically we go through different seasons. But every year at Advent, we start over. It’s the beginning of the liturgical year, but it’s also an opportunity to refocus on the basic elements of the faith. For families, it’s an opportunity to refocus on the role their faith plays within the family unit,” Ducote said. 

Ducote attended a recent webinar by Dr. Gregory Popcak, psychologist and author of spirituality books. He is also the founder and executive director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, which provides telecounseling services for Catholic couples and families. Together with his wife, Lisa, Popcak provided an outline for increasing faith within the family that can be helpful during the Advent season. 

Popcak focused on three areas of family needs, which Ducote labeled as the “three Rs.” 

The first R is relationship, which means to put the family first, Ducote noted. 

“All the activities the family members are involved in should not displace the opportunities for time devoted to relationships within the family. That also includes sharing extravagant affection within the family as a way of supporting relationships.” 

Discipline, Ducote said, should not focus so much on punishment as guidance, which means trying to understand why a child misbehaves or what they were trying to accomplish, and then redirecting them to a healthier way to achieve their goal. 

Focusing on relationships also means being attentive to each other’s needs. When parents model this behavior to their children, they encourage their children to attend to each other. 

The second “R” the family can refocus on during Advent is rituals. 

“That’s the opportunity for the family to recommit themselves to consistent rituals that reflect their faith,” said Ducote. 

Such rituals can include prayer rituals, lighting of Advent candles, and decorating a Jesse tree, a daily reminder of the various Old Testament prophesies about the coming of the Savior. 

Families are also encouraged to have “play rituals” or things the family can do together just for fun. 

“Talking rituals” are also valuable, such as the family gathering either at a meal or at another designated time to talk about the best and worst things that happened that day, according to Ducote. 

He said the last “R” is reaching out or being sensitive and offering support for others’ needs. That may mean family members reaching out to each other in the home or the family reaching out together to the community. 

“Rather than Dad going off with one organization and Mom doing something with another organization, the family is involved in serving the community together, such as volunteering at the foodbank or serving together at Mass, where everybody has a role,” Ducote said. “This not only helps the church and community but creates bonding within the family.” 

To help plan for Advent and Christmas, the family can sit down with a calendar and make decisions together. 

“That way the children would have input as well,” Ducote said.  

Advent, and any time of the year, is a time when families can establish traditions that create memories that hopefully motivate the children to carry them over into their own families. 

Ducote noted traditions are one of the characteristics of what the Second Vatican called the “Domestic Church.” 

“The family is really an example of the church. The Domestic Church has three elements: It’s a community of love, it’s the first herald of the Gospel and the first school of Christian Life,” said Ducote. 

While families won’t be able to accomplish everything they desire all at once during Advent, at least they will have an outline of what is possible, emphasized Ducote. 

“Families can pick and choose where they may be able to put their energy, and over time increase the elements they want to include,” Ducote said. 

For some good family Advent resources, visit diobr.org/advent.