Couples bearing the cross of infertility can receive a Valentine’s Day Weekend gift in the midst of their struggles during a Springs in the Desert Ministry Retreat.
The Feb. 14-15 retreat event, “Encounter: A Retreat for Those in a Season of Infertility,” will take place at St. Joseph Abbey Retreat Center, 75376 River Road, St. Benedict.
Springs in the Desert co-founders Ann Koshute, MTS, and Dr. Kimberly Henkel met while studying at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family in Washington, D.C. Years later they met again and discovered their common struggle with infertility. Many pastors and family life ministers expressed feeling ill-equipped to deal with an issue as sensitive and nuanced as infertility.
Koshute and Henkel blogged about their spiritual journeys with infertility.
“From there, we were getting people coming to us and saying, ‘Wow, what you have written really resonates with us. No one has talked about this in this way before. We don't really feel supported, but everything that you're saying is helping us to feel supported,’” Koshute said.
Things grew from there. In 2019, they launched Springs in the Desert as a nonprofit organization to offer spiritual and emotional accompaniment and solidarity to those carrying the cross of infertility.
In addition to their blogs, they have podcasts and retreats. The Encounter Retreat includes dinner on Friday night. The next day is spent building community, delving into the emotions that come with infertility, breakout sessions, and small groups discussions. There will also be time for prayer, adoration, and confession with team member Father Paul West.
The ministry engages couples at various particular seasons in their journeys. Some just received their diagnosis, are taking a break from their infertility treatment, had a miscarriage, have just entered menopause, or learned from the doctor they will never be able to conceive a child.
“We want to address those kinds of things,” said Koshute. “We want to bring all of the emotions that come along with that anger, fear, jealousy, and shame to the surface. Our ministry is always focusing on Christ and the unique call to fruitfulness that he has for every marriage, now and through all the stages that our marriages go through.”
Trey Weaver, coordinator of the office of youth and young adult ministry of the Diocese of Baton Rouge, said it’s vital for couples struggling with infertility to address their spiritual and emotional needs. When Trey and his wife, Ellie, married, they expected to start a family and have children. When this didn’t happen, they pursued NaPro fertility technology through Creighton University.
“We went down all the health avenues, which has its own challenges and difficulties, and the stress of the ups and downs and then the disappointments,” said Weaver.
The Weavers took a break because they were emotionally and spiritually hurting.
“This is such a personal hurt, so people don’t often speak about it. It takes a lot of vulnerability to talk about something so personal,” said Weaver.
He added, “It’s not something that gets talked about in parish life or in ministry as well. I worked at a parish full of young families, and you see people with a life you thought that you would have and you don’t have it, so you have to reconcile with that.”
They struggled through a long journey of grieving and healing. And about 3-4 years ago, they learned about Springs in the Desert.
“We immediately noticed something different about this ministry,” said Weaver. “We had seen other ministries that were all about fixing the problems, trying to help you figure out the cause of your infertility. But this ministry was different. It was solely focused on walking alongside each couple and helping them to unite their sufferings with the sufferings of the cross and knowing that our marriage is no less of a marriage, that my wife and I are a family,” said Weaver.
When couples come to the retreats they bond with other couples as they share and discover they have similar experiences. They felt cared for, known and “seen,” by the other couples.
“You have a head start on a relationship just because of the ability to relate to one another that you don’t have with most others in your life. That was one of the huge gifts of the retreat,” said Weaver.
The Weavers also discovered God’s plan for their marriage.
“God wants us to be fully alive in Christ and to be fully human. We’re still invited to a full life and to first love the Lord and to follow him and serve him and to have good, healthy, holy lives.”
Cassi and Ian Durnan became team members based on her experiences with the ministry.
“Springs in the Desert has been such a blessing to our marriage,” said Cassi. “There were times when we felt really stuck and didn't know how to move forward together on the path of infertility. ‘Springs’ helped us reorient ourselves to God and each other in trust that he still had a good plan for our marriage. When our hope for a child was not fulfilled through biology or adoption, we might have fallen into despair or been tempted to use illicit artificial reproductive technology such as IVF if not for the support of Springs in the Desert.
“Instead, our hope was expanded to a deeper desire for our married love to be life-giving and fruitful beyond what we could have asked for or imagined. God is so faithful. We have joyfully discovered that God's plan for the fruitfulness of our marriage includes 10 godchildren and a mission to strengthen marriages by encouraging them to embrace God's unique plan for their life-giving love,” Durnan said.