Help for troubled marriages

The storms married couples experience in their marriages can lead them to despairing their relationship is “going under.” 
The Retrouvaille Marriage Help Program provides a lifeline that pulls them back to solid ground and recover the intimacy and love of their marriage. The next Retrouvaille Weekend for the Diocese of Baton Rouge is scheduled March 5 ‑ 7.
“Retrouvaille is for married couples of all faiths who are struggling with their marriage. We give you the tools to get back to that loving relationship,” said Missie Curth. 
She and her husband, Bill, are the coordinating couple for the Retrouvaille Program for the Diocese of Baton Rouge.
Retrouvaille is a three-phase program, beginning with the weekend experience, followed by post-weekend sessions and monthly peer couple support sessions, called Continuing Our Retrouvaille Experience (CORE).  
During the weekend, couples are helped to reestablish communication and gain new insight into themselves as individuals and as a couple. This component is presented by three couples and a priest or minister team. The presenting team has experienced disillusionment, pain and conflict in their lives and offer hope as they share their personal stories, personal struggles, reconciliation and healing.
 The Curths, who are members of St. Francis de Sales Cathedral in Houma, said Retrouvaille saved their marriage.  
The couple married in 1984 and in 2015, after their children were of adult age, believed they had nothing in common and that they didn’t like being around each other.
“We were living what is called a married-single lifestyle, which means we were living separate lives,” said Missie Curth. “We were miserable and ready for divorce.”
The Curths found Retrouvaille online and traveled to Austin, Texas for the weekend program.
“The ride to Austin was miserable and very quiet,” said Missie.  “‘You fill up the car with gas and I’ll go get lunch,’ that was the extent of our conversations.”
The weekend provided the tools to help the Curths open up conversation, which breathed fresh air into their relationship.
“We talked the whole way home, all eight hours home, which was new for us,” said Missie.
Upon returning, the Curths became involved in the Baton Rouge Retrouvaille Community, attending the post-weekend sessions and CORE support group meetings.
“They were able to give us the tools to help us be able to communicate – and it was amazing,” said Bill Curth. “During the 

amazing,” said Bill Curth. “During the CORE sessions we were given more tools to help our relationship. The whole program is incredible.”

The Curths said, similar to the way one must maintain their vehicle if they hope to keep it for a long time, couples must maintain their marriage if they want to stay together for the long-term. They noted that Retrouvaille is like having a “tool box” for marriage.

And it can also help in developing healthier relationships with children and other family members.

The Curths burst into laughter together when asked if the program has benefited their family as well.

 “It’s funny, when they (children) talk to their friends, they’ll say ‘Well what about your parents? What are they like?’ ” said Bill.  “The kids will say, ‘Well, before or after Retrouvaille?’ ”

“Children learn what they live,” said Missie.

“We’re their role models,” Bill chimed in.

“And pre-Retrouvaille we would not have been too proud of that,” added Missie.

But they are now proud to offer their lived experiences to couples who need that same lift to get out of whatever is troublesome in their marriage.

The Curths emphasized that the Retrouvaille Weekend is a good starting point, and it opens doors, but equally important is the follow-up support and care. This part of the ministry is one which St. Isidore the Farmer Church in Baker parishioners Kevin and Rachel Shows are the coordinating couple of the CORE sessions.

In 2015, the Shows were going through a difficulty when they realized that about every six months an issue cropped up that they wrestled with to resolve. Kevin heard about an upcoming Retrouvaille Weekend on Catholic Community Radio and he and Rachel attended.

“That was an eye opening experience. I finally realized that Kevin and I did not effectively communicate with each other. Retrouvaille identified those barriers and helped us get through them,” said Rachel.

Having been through the trauma of the 2016 flood together, which flooded their house with five feet of water, among other issues, the Shows had been going through counseling and had experienced some healing. But they found Retrouvaille catapulted their relationship closer to where they wanted it to be.

In their formation, the Shows discovered how their families of origin play an important role in their relationship. Rachel, who is more extroverted, described her family as pretty open to discussing anything, and Kevin, who is more introverted, comes from a “closed book” family.  The differences led them to have assumptions about what the other was thinking and feeling and perceiving what each other was saying in conversations. They learned how to work through that.

“It’s freeing,” said Rachel. “There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ We don’t have that emotional roller coast barometer.”

They realized that during difficult conversations, it’s important to “cool off” or “take a break” or “refreshment time” and pick back up when the topic can be discussed calmly.

Kevin said, “With CORE you have other people who are praying for you and supporting you.”

He noted that Retrouvaille serves a variety of couples, from newlyweds to couples who have been married more than 50 years. They’ve also had couples who have driven from hours away to attend the two-hour meetings, which shows they are making their marriage their priority.

And while Christian formation is not specifically part of the program, it does also invite God’s presence back into the marriage.

“We put God in the center of (our marriage),” said Kevin. “We know he is our rock and know that is what he intended. It’s a special thing. It solidified our family and put everything in order.”

“It’s like witnessing a miracle,” said Rachel.

For confidential information or to register for the next weekend, call 985-232-5963, email [email protected] or visit HelpOurMarriage.com.