Lord’s Sense of Humor Seen Through Rascals

There are so many elements and traditions of Catholicism that are hard to conceive for adults, much less tiny rascals. This realization brings much humor to my life. I am often blessed with the hilarity that comes from children trying to explain and live the faith. 

For years I have been archiving evidence of the Lord’s sense of humor when it comes to raising rascals in his name. I compiled my favorite quotes, conversations and incidents for your comedic enjoyment! 

#2: “Our father who are in heaven, allo be by name. Thy kingdom come. I will be done…”

Dad: “It’s Thy will be done”

#2: “Uggh DAD. It’s a lot of words ok?”

The first Joyful Mystery interpretation:

#2: “The Angel Gabriel … he came and was glowing really bright and he said ‘Hail Mary, full of grace’ and she was confused and all, and I think she was making bread, too, probably.”

No matter what day it is or what decade is assigned to  #3 he will ALWAYS say “ANNND NOOOW for the Viiiiisitation and then he says “just kidding … umm what is it really?” And if it does fall on the visitation we all cheer like he won a prize.  

When we ask for any special intentions #3 will never forget to pray “for all the old people out there: the mawmaws and the pawpaws.”

3rd Joyful Mystery interpretation 

#2: “So like no one would let them in. Well one guy, kinda. He said, ‘you can just go into my cave.’ There were animals in there and it was pretty gross but they went in anyway and didn’t complain or nothing. Then the Three Wise Men came with gold, merchandise and something else.”

#1: “How do you solve a problem liiike Marrrriaaa?”

Also #1: ” That’s eeeeasssssy … the nuns just kick her out the aaaabbbeeeeyyy”

#3 has a simple and pure devotion to the Blessed Mother. He even likes to make up apparitions because, “Well, she could have been there and done that. Y’all don’t know.” His latest is Our Lady Of Human Beings and we are expected to say “pray for us.” We sigh and do it because, well, she could have been there and done that.

#3: “You know in heaven everything will be perfect. You can drink water and it goes down the wrong hole and you won’t even choke!!”

#3: “You know what I want in heaven? Every kind of milk. I want chocolate, plain, probably even lemonade milk.”

Mom: “Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord.”

#1: “And let professional light shine upon them.”

A sweet family friend: “Look, Mrs. Ellen drinks Perrier Eleeeeeeison.”

#2: St. Therese of the Zoo

All: pray for us

#2: “Hey, I’ll lead the rosary tonight. What’s the mysteries? The Gloriful?”

Mom’s interpretation of the agony of the garden: “And don’t be like the apostles; don’t fall asleep tonight during this rosary. ‘You don’t want us to be like the apostles?’ “You know what I mean.”

In the car on the way to jiu jitsu after a rough bout of homework and a no snack meltdown: 

Mom: ”Holy Spirit, please give me courage and perseverance.”

#3 :“Porridge?? Whatchu said? Why are you asking the Holy Spirit for porridge?”

#1: “Who even eats porridge?”

#2: “I definitely do not want porridge. I just wanted Goldfish for a snack.” 

Mom: “Like I asked earlier … come Holy Spirit.”

Dad: “I need to get some of that balm.”

Mom: “What balm?”

Dad: “From that song we like.”

Mom: “Aw yea. That balm from Gilead. I could use some too.”

About an hour later in a more contemplative tone:

Dad: “But seriously there better not be some man in the land of Gilead holding out.”

#2: “Listen, Mom, I’ll wear the dress for first Communion not because you and sister wore the same one but because I have to and because I’m wearing basketball shorts underneath. That’s the best I can do.” 

Holding #3 in Mass. He grabs my hair from behind my ear and places it on my cheek, then brushes it lightly with his hand.

Mom: “Dude, stop. Mass is almost over.”

#3: “You welcome”

Mom: “What? For what? Hush, bubs.”

#3: ( in a low breathy voice.) “I just made you look like a fancy” and then gives me a kiss. 

5th Sorrowful Mystery interpretation: 

#2: “Then they gave him a stick with a sponge on it and some vinegar.”

#1: “No, it wasn’t vinegar. I don’t even think they even had vinegar back then but it was something gross.”

Mom: “It was something bitter and it was on a hyssop branch.”

Dad: “HEY EVERYONE!!! Get to the fruit already. It’s almost 8 (p.m.)”

#3: “How am I supposed to be more like St. John if y’all never take me fishing?”

#2: “Please Jesus don’t let anybody get hurt on the concrete on the playground tomorrow ALLLELUUUIAAAA annnnnnnd God beeest the U...S...S.”

Mom: “Oh girl, that was nice!”

#1: It’s USA

#2 “Oh sorry…God Beeeest the U.S.AAAAAA. Amen.”

I pray that you find the giggles in the little things this month. 

The columnist is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.