Parents Can Affirm Children's Dignity When Talking to Them about Sex, Contraception

Many parents avoid talking to their children and teens about sex and contraception because they feel uneasy talking about the topic or think, “my child would never …” The realities of today, however, show that if they don’t talk about it, their children will learn from other sources parents may not trust. 

But parents don’t need to be intimidated to have the conversations, according to Dr. Sarah Denny, an ethics professor at Loyola University in New Orleans. Denny gave a presentation on the subject at St. John the Baptist Church in Zachary.

“Talking about sex is a larger conversation and our goal really should be to create a culture where we can talk about our bodies, our attractions, even just physical responses to our attractions,” said Denny.

“That's something that can start when they are very young; when a parent is giving their four-year-old, five-year-old, six-year-old a bath, if they ask questions about their body. You can answer that in whatever way seems fit, something very respectful. It should never be a ‘one and done conversation.’"

Children should be taught to respect their bodies and how to talk about their bodies and other people’s bodies. 

“We’re dealing with a new territory, but we also have tools.  A lot of it comes back to the gifts we have received: the power of the word of God, Scripture, praying with Scripture, the teachings of the church (such as Theology of the Body), and asking the Lord for direction.”

Sarah Denny

“As they get older, you've created a culture that they're comfortable talking about these things that can be awkward.  That’s a universal reality because at a certain age, the last person your child may want to talk to is you because you're the parent,” said Denny.

If parents create a safe environment where their children can have uncomfortable conversations with them, their children will be more inclined to speak to them, according to Denny. 

“Not only to ask questions about sexuality and their bodies, but to come to them with things they might experience or things they might see, especially little ones,” said Denny.

“(They should know) ‘If you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you’re not in trouble, but come talk to mommy or daddy about that because we want to help you understand what’s happening.’”

The reality of children and teens being exposed to inappropriate sexual content is unavoidable, stated Denny.  With today’s cultural emphasis on body and sexuality, it can be challenging for parents to protect their children.

“God created the body very good, he created sex very good, and created sexual desires very good. That is where we can take the things that the enemy might use for bad. But God works everything together for good for those who love him. It provides you an opportunity (to talk about what’s happening).

“You might initially think, ‘Oh my gosh, my eight-year-old boy was on the family iPad and an advertisement came up for something pornographic.' He didn’t go looking for it, he didn’t want to see that – but he saw it, and now you have to respond to it, and it becomes a teaching moment to give them a healthy self-perception.”

Technology is neither good nor bad, but what people make of it, Denny emphasized. Teachers can give an assignment and, using technology, make them fun and interactive. 

Denny assured parents that God will give them grace during those difficult conversations.

When children are exposed to provocative advertisements, their bodies are going to respond because humans are visual creatures, stated Denny.

“There might be a lot of confusion and we’re trying to give them the space through this culture of conversation where the child can ask questions.”

It’s never too late for parents to talk to their child about these things, stressed Danny.

“We’re dealing with a new territory, but we also have tools.  A lot of it comes back to the gifts we have received: the power of the word of God, Scripture, praying with Scripture, the teachings of the church (such as Theology of the Body), and asking the Lord for direction.”

These tips also apply when talking to teens about sex and contraception.

Even children in “the best of families” face peer pressure to do inappropriate things.

“With teenagers, no matter your values or belief system, we have these phones and because we can take pictures and because we can send videos, it is often young women or young men who are requesting or are sending nude pictures.  And ‘sexting’ is also another reality.”

A culture of honesty in the family and support from parents can help teens respond when they face these situations. They can include their own message about the dignity of the human body.

Denny said resources for protecting children can be found at protectyoungeyes.com.