A patient Lord

As  parents we try to be as conscious of our behavior as possible. If we are trying to exhibit Christian living then we must beware of how we speak, act and react in all situations in order for our kids to get at least a framework to start their own journey.
I’m exhausted simply typing that out. It is not a cross to bear.  It is a duty and responsibility. Truth is, I rarely live the faith correctly the first go round. I’m a “learn from mistakes kinda gal” and that makes me super fluent in the art of apology and vulnerability.

More truth is that different situations and people draw out different versions of me so it makes it exceptionally tricky to be a “model momma” ALL.THE.TIME. If my brother is around then I’m transported to 1989 and the inevitable, “Bruh, if you don’t shut up” spills out of my mouth.

I’ll turn around and there will be a beady eyed little boy with his mouth wide open, and I then have to explain why I’m a hypocrite.  If either of our parents are over it’s natural for them to catch us up on what is going on with our family or community back home and it can veer into gossip at times.

Turn around again and there is a teenager getting sucked into stories of people she doesn’t know and learning things that do not brighten her lamp. I sigh in frustration at how easily that happened and how I now have to perform damage control.

Other times it’s with old friends and we reminisce about high school and college and we are cutting up and laughing so much until someone says, “Mom, you really did that?”  My heart says the ole Scooby Doo, “ruh roh, Shaggy” and cue the encore of, “well that was years ago baby …”

I cannot be the model they need all the time and neither can my husband. It’s close after a rosary when we have their attention and the Holy Spirit is on the couch talking through us about heavy topics but as for the moment-to-moment of life the margin of error is high!

What do we do? I can’t keep them in my house all day praying. I can’t instantly replay events and analyze film to expose the wrong and coach a fix every time. We have weaknesses as parents and humans and they show often. What can we do?

We can frequent the sacraments and practice humility alongside the kids. We can visit the Lord in the confessional and then receive his precious body in the Eucharist and start afresh.

I have to apologize to my brother who really does know more about gardening. Next time I will cleverly avoid talking about neighbors at length with our parents by interjecting things about how I struggle with the same vices. I still want to laugh with my friends but I will be very intentional about the time and company that surrounds us.
We have so much to take advantage of in our Catholic faith that is divinely designed to help our humanness find the road again but we must make the time to receive it. Grace will pour and close my mouth before I say something I regret if I’m closer to the Lord through daily prayer and an occasional daily Mass. I feel the Lord pull the reins back on me if I want to peek at social media instead of finishing my work or the last two pages of Vespers in the evening when I designate time for talking with God.

I don’t always pick up what the Lord is trying to put down so there are plenty of missed opportunities to teach my bebes. Blessed are we that our sweet Lord is abundantly gracious and infinitely patient.  It seems as though I’m supposed to be “a learn from mistakes kinda gal” because that’s how the Lord wants me to teach the kids and experience life.  I’m going to  just keep on keeping on because the Lord has proven to be with me through this method of parenting and my personal journey as it simultaneously allows me to practice a spirit of poverty and perseverance in prayer.

Eldridge is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.