Dragon slayer

Who else’s kids fly off the bus or hurdle into the car after school and start going off like raging maniacs? 

These children are like a bunch of lil baby dragons trying to melt my face off. No? No one else’s? Just mine?

 Y’all, I know it really is some kind of psychological thing they do. I don’t know the term or anything but I know moms are the safe ground to dump all the garbage. (The children) hold in things all day, tolerate things, rein back when they want to express raw emotions because it’s school and they don’t want their clip moved or to be demoted from the cool circle of friends or simply they know if they respond to certain things it will be unkind.

They are navigating through their behavior all day.  I know this. I can deal with this because I understand it.  But there is something I don’t always understand. Why do I do this as an adult?  The.Same.Thing. 

I do it to my family and for similar reasons.  As an adult, simply living in this world, trying to be a good friend and performing my professional role as teacher/coach and employee, I have the patience of a saint. I can empathize, soothe, listen and practice mercy with random people, friends, students and coworkers around me all day. 

But as a momma, I sometimes come home breathing the same flames my tiny dragons breathe on me. The smallest thing will trigger a sarcastic response or an internal feeling as if I never get a break.  At that moment I react in a similar way as they do once the door to their sanctuary closes.  

This imbalance of energy between work and home causes a challenge for me in practicing the charity that my children and husband deserve. Unlike myself or my husband, our children do not always understand why mom reacts erratically at times, which is unfair to them. I’m not the most gentle mother to begin with so when I let things empty my tank in the real world, I end up doing things that warrant a lot of apologizing and reparations at home.  After I express how sorry I am. I’m always forgiven.  I always feel loved. 

These children of mine act like Jesus to me every time I let them down. Get your life together, Ellen. How can I continue to do this? Is it because like them, I know they will love me no matter what? 

But I am not a child. I have coping mechanisms. I have the experience of life to be able to know how things work smoothly. I have the control to be able to curb my reactions, and I also have the ability to engage in discipline. Yet I fall and they pick me up. Quite the plot twist. What a humbling realization that I need them in the exact way that they need me. I have been working on this weakness for years and will continue to say “Uncle”  because I need help. This job is hard. 

“Dragon Momma,” as she is affectionately known under our roof occasionally, still rears her ugly head. ”Uh oh,  she is about to breathe fire…ruuunnnnn!!” 

If you struggle with this too, I do have an answer. It’s obedience to prayer. I have to pray about being the woman my children need daily. 

Well, how about you tell us how you pray? Of course, I call on the gentlest mother for her support. Mary’s heart was on fire, she did not breathe it. Oh, and we know her power against dragons. 

Also, I am building quite a relationship with the psalms. Praying the psalms has taught me how to pray to God and not so much for what Ellen needs and wants. I pray them straight from the Bible and in the Liturgy of the Hours. I pray whichever one speaks to me and I pray the complete chapter. They are all titled so you can jump to the one you need the most or simply start at Psalm 1 and eventually work your way through all 150. 

Praying the psalms reveal the Lord’s power, his promises, his guidance and most of all to me, his love and mercy. The psalms are the prayers Mary and St. Joseph prayed and memorized. If the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph prayed them then my dude and I, as parents, need to make that a habit as well. 

The more I pray the psalms the closer I get to God.  That intimacy allows me to see that I’m welcome to dump all my garbage at his feet and trust him. If he can deliver David from the trials he faced he most certainly can guide me in a better way to speak to my children.  Whether you are in a spiritual desert like many of the psalms describe or if you are in the laundry room just trying to fold clothes without blowing a gasket, I pray that you call on the Lord and his perfect momma to guide your heart to raise your bebes. 

The columnist is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.