International adoption brings unique joy to families

Second in a Series

Families formed by international adoption have the same joys and challenges as biological families but with added layers, said J.J. and Lori Webb of Baton Rouge, who have adopted three children from South Korea through Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Baton Rouge.

There are the “firsts” of children going through various stages, the bonding and the excitement of extended family members as they take pictures and celebrate milestones. On top of that layer are challenges associated with raising adopted children, adopting children outside of one’s race and culture and racism issues that come with transracial adoptions.

The Webbs have experienced all of this with their children, who were adopted as infants: Tae-Woo, 17; Neena, 15; and J.C., 14. 

Tae-Woo was escorted to the United States by a Korean citizen. Realizing how important it was to experience the Korean country and culture, the Webbs traveled to South Korea to receive Neena.
 
Because of Korean adoption agency rules, J.J. was also escorted to the United States. 

It’s been a joyful time for the Webbs, members of Christ the King Church and Catholic Center in Baton Rouge, to see their children’s unique talents, abilities and personalities emerge. The family embraces a typical Louisiana life filled with LSU sports, trips to New Orleans, crawfish boils, kayaking, etc. 

Tae-Woo, an honor student at Baton Rouge High Magnet School, is strong in academics. He has received a presidential scholarship and accepted into the honors program at Louisiana Tech University in Ruston, where he plans to study chemical engineering. 

He’s also a swimmer, rock climber and plays the trombone. 
Neena loves Korean music and culture and drama. 

J.C. is a skateboarder who loves rap music and enjoys donating money to animal rescue agencies.

But the Webbs also make a strong effort to honor their children’s place of birth. They occasionally travel to South Korea so their children can tour their country of birth, experience the culture first-hand and visit with the foster families who cared for them while awaiting placement. 
The Webbs have little information about their children’s birth family’s background, and Korean law prohibits adopted children to search for their biological family or to reunite with their biological family until they are 19. But the Webbs provide the adoption agencies with photos, information and letters from the children in case the biological families would like to reunite at some point.

 “That’s some of the ways we honor their birth families throughout the years of parenting the children,” said Lori Webb. 

They also shared with their children what little information they do have regarding their biological parents, honor them on Mother’s and Father’s Day and light a candle for them on the children’s birthdays. 

The Webbs recognize that while they experience the joys of raising the biological family’s children, the birth family has suffered loss and the children have also suffered loss concerning their homeland and birth family.

The Webbs keep cultural ties through opportunities that foster racial diversity.

 “We’ve made conscious choices of where we live, where we worship and where our kids go to school, that they’re places where diversity is encouraged and celebrated,” said Lori.

When the children were younger, the family enjoyed the rich diversity in CTK’s Households of Faith Program, an intergenerational religious formation program where families meet twice a month for group activities and faith sharing.  

The family is also connected with the Korean community in Baton Rouge. The Korean Church in Baton Rouge has helped the Webbs better understand the language and culture.

They have especially bonded with the people from Kimm’s Institute of Self Defense in Baton Rouge, where Tae-Woo earned a junior black belt, and Neena is also a student. The children call the founders of the school “halabeoji,” or “grandfather,” and “halmeoni,” or “grandmother.” 

The grandfather has written dozens of books on Korean martial arts and history that have been helpful. The wife is like a second-mother to Lori as well. 

A Korean LSU graduate student has also become like a big sister to Neena.

The immersion experiences are to help the Webb children feel comfortable when visiting their homeland.

“There’s temples there, and they expect to see temples. There’s subways there, and they expected to see subways,” said J.J.

He said adoptions are not only about love, but also about learning. That’s why the family routinely participates in conferences about Korean adoptions across the United States.

“You have to continue to be involved. Every day is a first for adoptive parents to have a 17 year old, 3 year old, 2 month old. You have to continue to evolve. It doesn’t stop at placement, it’s forever,” said J.J.
He credits CCDBR for educating parents about adoption from the perspective of birth and adoptive parents, adopted children and adopted adults.  Tae-Woo has given the perspective of an adopted teen at some workshops.

Unfortunately, the education also involves dealing with racism. Lori pointed out that tensions in North Korea and other stories coming from Korea, and the fact that the coronavirus originated in China, which has been insensitively called “the China virus,” has resulted in a backlash against the Asian community.

“The children are minorities in our society, it’s been a responsibility of ours to teach them about racism from the perspective of Asians as well as other minority groups,” she said. “So we have really dedicated ourselves to learning about racism, the history of racism, how to be anti-racist, how to handle situations when people make racist comments, how our kids can handle racist comments made towards them. We’ve been very clear with our family and friends that we have no tolerance for racism in our family.”

She added, “When we encounter racism, we share with them how we handled that, and we talk about that as a family. We talk about what we did well, what we could have done differently, what we can do next time. 
“We talk a lot about current events and share our feelings about racism in America.”

With deep humility in their voices the Webbs said while they have done their best to raise their children, if the children wish to reunite with their biological families they will be as involved as much as their children want them to be and accept it if they do not want them to be.

“Whatever avenue they would like to take we are there for them,” said J.J.
Next issue: Tae-Woo’s perspective as an adopted teen.