PAL Group Offers Hope to Parents

Vickie Seal’s heart broke as her sons, Primo and Dominic Nardi, battled addictions. 

When Primo, 34, died from an opioid addiction in 2016 she searched for a support group that would understand her. She found one that helped restore her peace of mind and helped her accompany Dominic as he journeyed to sobriety with Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PAL).

Seal, the mother of three sons, attended a grief group to find solace after Primo’s death in 2016. She told her story to the group leader who said, “You can’t bring your one son back, but you can help your other son.” 

She told her about Parents of Addicted Loved Ones, which provides hope and support through addiction education for parents dealing with an addicted loved one.

She went home and read about it and thought about it. 

After “waking up from a dead sleep” Seal knew it was something she had to look into.

Stepping out of her comfort zone, she approached Father Josh Johnson, then pastor of Holy Rosary Church in St. Amant, about starting a support group at Holy Rosary. 

Father Johnson told her, “Vickie, this is a miracle” and said the parish leadership had noted the one ministry the parish did not have was for people with addicted loves ones. 

The first meeting was held in June 2019 and meets Wednesdays at 6 p.m. at the parish activity center.

PAL has 13 basic lessons along with some supplemental lessons. Topics cover delayed emotional growth, three promises to a loved one, helping, enabling, stages of growth, roles of addict/alcoholic and family, understanding re-entry, healthy adult relationships, 

six steps for families and responding rather than reacting.

Seal said PAL is a “peer” ministry in which people can, but are not required, to share their stories. All information is confidential. She said some people are too broken to share their story, and others take more time to “warm up” to the idea.

“We can only make suggestions, not give advice,” said Seal. 

The first step when coming to PAL meetings can be hardest, walking through the door, Seal acknowledged. That’s because they may have already experienced advice from those who do not understand their circumstances.

“People (outside of the group) can be rude and tell you advice, such as, ‘You need to do this … ,’ ” said Seal. “When they walk in the room they realize the others are in the same boat. 

“It’s like they are telling your story because theirs is so much like yours.”

Dominic is happily living in sobriety, working at a hospital and helping those with addictions and mental illness.

Patricia Bourgeois, who co-facilitates the group along with Seal and Cindy Millet, said children, and even their parents, may be judged by long-time friends and neighbors, assuming the children purposely chose to become addicted. She emphasized it’s not that simple and the roads are slippery down that path. Her son’s addictions began after he was prescribed pain medication for injuries. 

It can also start when children are young; they drink a little bit, which leads to a little more and then other things to get a “bigger high.”

In the midst of the chaos PAL is a “safety net” educating, affirming and providing hope for parents. She noted how one newcomer texted her and expressed her gratitude that the group allowed her to talk without feeling judged.

Millet agreed.

“It’s a safe place to cry, it’s a safe place to laugh,” said Millet.

She added, “You don’t have to walk through it alone. You have people to go through it with you.”

Mary Jo Balado was searching to find something that could help her as two of her three sons suffered from addictions. She read about PAL and discovered there was one in north Baton Rouge. She attended the meetings and felt “like I had found a home.”

“I was able to put everything on the table, what happened with my sons, the damage it was doing to my family, how it was wearing me down, physically, spiritually, mentally,” said Balado.

“Every meeting I would let go of a lot of things that were bottled up inside me to people who understood.”

She and another friend who had a daughter who was addicted, agreed that a group was needed in Tangipahoa parish, where they live. Balado trained and facilitates the group which meets on the second and fourth Thursdays of the month from 6–7:30 p.m. at St. Joseph Church in Ponchatoula.

The group changed Balado’s life as she learned to take care of herself in the midst of her children’s struggles. Both sons had been sober but relapsed. They would go from home to home and have other problems.

Balado thought she was helping her children with money and other offers of help but PAL showed her that she was only enabling them to continue their addiction. While it has been difficult, she has learned to be positive and supportive while setting boundaries and not being caught off guard so she can respond instead of react.

“I don’t get the calls, ‘I’m out of gas’ or ‘Can I have some money to stay in a hotel?’ They know my boundaries and I say ‘no,’ ” said Balado.

Through PAL, she discovered “God is in charge and to give our children to him.”

She said, “(PAL) meets you where you are and it helps you progress.”

For more information about PAL, visit palgroup.org.