Parenting lessons

I would bet the bank that every parent has heard an older parent say, “Don’t blink. They grow up so fast.” Also, all the suggestions about “let them have the second scoop,” and “hold them tight now because they won’t let you later.”

I accept these words. I know it is all vetted advice.  I am very aware of the short, precious time we have with these youngins. But I need some wisdom about kids needing to be taught every single thing! I would like to try for the rest of my life to grab the face of brand new mommas with both hands and look them right in the eyeballs and say, “You must not assume anything. Children rarely pick up on context clues and common sense is not common.”


There have been times in the past 13 years when I thought my clear example was enough of the education these rascals needed until simple ignorance smacked me in the head and all I could do was laugh to keep from crying.

Recently I was cleaning up outside after the four days of monsoon rain. I went around to the side of the house that’s a bit hidden where we store a few things. We have an extra recycling can that we do not use sitting in that area. It was a bit crooked so I went to square it against the house with one hand thinking it would be empty but it did not budge.

I opened the lid and found what had to be six months of dog poop duty in grocery bags. If you can think of all the words that came to my mind it isn’t even close to the vocabulary that was spinning around up there. My cheeks were so hot that the 40 degrees outside felt like June. How do I even begin to remedy this? Do I need a hazmat suit? Should I set this on fire and hope for the best?

A beautiful little girl performed her chores and then threw the collection in a can that looked welcoming for such a product. Albeit it was behind two AC units, never has it been rolled to the road in its existence, and it had RECYCLE written in six-inch letters in many places. I assumed she knew that particular gray can was not in our active rotation and that she would walk all the landmine bags to the front trash can that we use every day.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was very wrong. Zero dots were connected and she thought that was a swell idea. I will have to spell out every step of everything or I will be standing in my side yard with Clorox, gloves and my husband’s tall rubber boots washing out a bin again.  As half my body is shoved into the container trying to decontaminate, I smiled. This entire month I have been praying for the gift of gentleness. I realized that if I had discovered this treasure while my girl was home and not at school, I would not have been very merciful nor gentle. I would have rushed inside and asked her about it void of compassion. Thank you, Lord, for the timely grace.

This pooptastrophe got me thinking about other moments when my kids got themselves into a pickle from lack of knowledge. Remember a couple Mardi Gras’ ago we had an ice storm? My kids played outside all day. They sled down ice on a mound of dirt, they filled water balloons the night before so they could have ice balls the next day and broke every icicle they could reach off the house. That night my oldest son started what was one of the worst stomach bugs I had ever seen any of them have or so I thought. It was violent and he could not keep anything down.

By 2 p.m. the next day he was completely listless and his doctor and I decided he needed to go to Children’s Hospital. We get there and they run several tests and start an IV immediately. He was so dehydrated we had to stay the night. The doctor comes in and says that blood work showed some things are elevated but he still seemed curious.
“Did anyone else have these symptoms?” No one else was sick. He then turns to my son and asks him what he ate the last couple of days. He said normal things, then his eyes widened, he looked at me, then back at the doctor. “I ate a giant icicle that was hanging from the pipe on the back of Mom’s (SUV).” The doctor looks at me with benevolence, then quietly walks out of the room.

Like I said earlier you cannot assume that they know what to do or not to do. I repeat, do not assume anything! My dude thought it was a good idea to eat an exhaust-flavored icicle off the back of Large Marge and he vomited for 18 hours straight.  “But mom it was so big and looked clean.”

As I slowly see life and color coming back to my boy from his hospital bed, a young medical assistant comes in and she has ashes on her forehead.  I got emotional about not being able to have my own because of all this. “Did you go to Mass before work?” I asked. “No ma’am, a priest came and offered it. We rarely get holidays off so they come to us.”

My heart broke. Oh Lord, I am so sorry. There I was sulking in my own selfishness when I didn’t see how blessed I was with the opportunity to take my son to get the care he needs and I have a job that allows me all holidays and more. It was a humility check.
Parenting is a wild, bumpy ride and the Lord is most certainly our co-pilot. He leads us through the chaos and lovingly corrects our recklessness if we are open to it. I will continue to try and heed all advice and also try my best to slow down and instruct my rascals step by step.

I’ll continue to say things like “Yes, you are expected to put away the Windex after you clean the mirror” and “the faucet doesn’t turn itself off.” There will always be things I won’t see coming or did not think to teach. I am learning, through the Lord’s charity, very many lessons in parenting, and I am so grateful.

Husband: “Guess what I got today??”
Ellen: “ No clue!”
Husband: “PRECIOUS BLOOD at St. Alphonsus’. I was so excited I barely got any. Imma go back to mass tomorrow and you better believe I WIlL Receive.”

Eldridge is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.