I’m an expert in a couple things:
Cracking pecans. I can get a beautiful half out of the shell about 80% of the time. This is me bragging.
Also, it’s not good odds for you to be in a Dolly Parton or Paul Simon song identification challenge with me. You will lose.
And to add to my list of important traits acquired when it comes to attracting birds to my backyard, I feel Snow White would be delighted.
But as for parenting, to quote one of my favorite co-workers Mamaw, “I feel like a one armed paper hanger;” often ill-equipped.
My oldest daughter is the person I want to be. She makes good decisions. She is intelligent. Quick to forgive and can make fun of herself. I have often said out loud but continuously in my heart, “If someone breaks this child’s spirit, we will fight.” Important to note I have been described as “tough as a bunny” from one of my assistant principals while observing a classroom discipline issue I was resolving. So as far as me “putting up my dukes,” that ain’t gonna happen, but the point is I would be crushed.
One afternoon, my middle daughter was practicing her Samurai moves in the kitchen and she executed a beautiful move that accidentally landed a really hard punch right into my big girl’s stomach. She screamed so loud and right into my ear I screamed exponentially louder right back at her. She looked at me with pain and it wasn’t from the physical hit.
Why couldn’t she cry out after being hurt? This wasn’t her fault. Mulan just saved China with the force of that blow and I was mad at her.
And then it happened: what if it is me that breaks her spirit? I was floored with humility. I mean it. My immediate sorrow weakened my knees. To make matters worse my in-laws witnessed my parenting finesse in the situation and their presence made her feel even more shame. For nothing!
She was innocent in it all but took it all, and it was heavy in her eyes. After I breathed fire on her she said, “I’m so sorry, Mom.” She immediately apologized.
I was right on one thing. When someone broke her spirit (even if just for a moment) I would be crushed and that someone was me. I went in for a good hug that we both needed and she submitted to her real emotions. I asked for forgiveness and she gave it to me without a moment’s hesitation.
Again, let me stress. I want to be like this child. We really can learn from children. I can see very clearly why the Lord favors when we have a “child-like spirit” and why he says “Let the children come to me” (Mt 10:14) because that kind of power changes hearts and converts the soul.
I can also see how “breaking a child’s spirit” can be considered a grave sin. I know my kitchen escapade wasn’t that intense. And what relief it was that the Lord chose a gentle opportunity for me to learn such an important lesson. It allowed me to realize more so the magnitude of the importance children are in this world and how we need to be the first ones to protect their hearts and souls.
Eldridge is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.