Valuable lesson in love language

My best friend mentioned recently that she tried a little something with her children in an effort to connect more with them individually.

The kids, on their own, or facilitated by her, took the five love languages quiz. There is one designed especially for children. She said the knowledge allowed her to be intentional with her “mom” time, and it was meaningful.


She quickly saw positive changes. We all know it as a fruitful tool for a couple but this perspective was exciting. I wanted to try it too. Summer is approaching and we will have an abundance of opportunities to be with each other.

I already know the baby’s love language. It’s snacks and rubbing the back of my arm when my skin is cold. I simply needed to find out how the big three received love best.
To my surprise, we received two “quality time” and one “acts of service.” Those languages are not my husband’s nor mine. All I have to do is hold my guy’s hand and he feels love so this caused me to think and plan.

My oldest was out of school early because of being exempt from finals so I wanted to make her feel special and be mindful of her quiz results. She asked to put a semi-permanent color in her hair because school was over, so I thought let’s do it together. I haven’t colored my hair in many years and it has a growing number of unruly white ones, so I was ok getting rid of those to spend some time with my girl.

One Saturday morning in late May, we covered her head in an auburn paste while laughing and playing. It came out so well.  We both loved it.

I needed to start lunch, so I got the pot to its simmer point then it was my turn. I set the cream and activator just right, apply, and then it’s “set” time but I didn’t set the time. I stirred gravy, put the rice to steam, peeled cucumbers and cut up a cantaloupe before I realized I never set a timer. I thought to myself, “That feels like 25 minutes. Let me quickly rinse this out before we eat.”

After the water runs from indigo to clear, I towel dry it and I immediately feel refreshed and younger. I’m cool again, y’all. Our event together satiated my girls’ love language, and I had fun too. We all ate, spent time in the house and then got ready to attend vigil Mass.

After Mass, we are talking with our friends in the beautiful sunshine and I hear a gasp accompanied by wide eyes and a hand over mouth, “Oh, Momma! Your hair!” All the white ones are now royal blue. My heart drops and all confidence is crushed when I realized I didn’t leave it for the full 25 minutes and the black didn’t set in. My face must have been horrified because all the teenage girls in the parking lot rushed over to try and comfort me. “It’s a beautiful blue like the Blessed Mother, Mrs. Ellen.” Another one says, “It’s cool mom hair” and then, “It’s summer hair. It looks fun.”

Right away I wanted to give each a dollar bill like my Mamaw would do when I tried to make her feel better but then I just soaked in the feeling of humility and smiled. Yes, I was embarrassed for a couple of seconds and even wanted to bring in their moms and laugh about it and overcompensate with humor per my usual defense mechanism but the Lord said to just take it. I even tried to reply with something witty about Mary’s mantle but I couldn’t get it out.

I also, for a second, sulked at the idea of not having the time to do anything properly because of being pulled in so many ways as a momma.

You see between praying the litany of humility and also working out my struggles with vanity alongside our Lord, I’m bound to get opportunities to practice it and also chances to realize that I veered off that course a bit. I’m so thankful he is gentle with the reminders. I continued to cut up with the girls and soak up their compassion because “words of affirmation” is my love language and the Lord knows how to properly lace a lesson. I learned to practice a virtue a little but I was also consoled by sweet young women.

It’s funny how you worry about how girls will react when another one needs to be lifted. I received firsthand the outpouring of charity from them and I’m humbled to be able to recognize it.

I highly recommend giving your children the love languages quiz. Your plans to spend time or execute their results may not work out as you’d like (actually, they won’t at all because the Lord is the best comedian), but the resolution will manifest in some way, and I pray that it is heartfelt, filled with laughter and saturated with the presence of Jesus.

Eldridge is a Catholic mom living in the Diocese of Baton Rouge facing the same challenges all families face.