While grief has no set timeline, the holidays can be a time of heightened emotional stress with the loss of a loved one. The grief can be more acute for those struggling with the loss of loved ones who died by suicide.
The Diocese of Baton Rouge gathered the community to grieve and remember those loved ones during a Rosary of Hope and Healing Nov. 30 at St. Aloysius Church in Baton Rouge.
“This year has been especially difficult for our Catholic community as a result of the loss of two students to suicide at Catholic schools and the suicidal loss of a newly ordained priest,” said Darryl Ducote, director of the Office of Marriage and Family Life.
To respond to these tragedies, the Catholic Schools Office, the Secretariat of Evangelization and the Office of Life, Peace and Justice created a task force to offer workshops on suicide prevention as well as support and prayer after loss from suicide.
Claire Willis, assistant superintendent of Catholic schools, said the task force’s objective is to spread suicide awareness.
“(Suicide) has become this terrible cycle of loss and grief. Our goals were to train people so they could be empowered to do something about it, and to acknowledge the fact that when people lose someone by suicide it has been such a taboo topic people aren't often able to grieve properly.”
The Rosary of Hope and Healing, led by Bishop Michael G. Duca, allowed people to bring their loss to the light of faith.
Each decade of the rosary began with the lighting of a candle from the Paschal Candle, a reading from Scripture, and a reflection on suicide survivors’ common experiences where healing may be needed.
Top right photo: Deacon Randall Waguespack, director of the Office of Life, Peace and Justice and Kathleen Higgins, Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministry, light candles.
Photo above: Bishop Michael G. Duca speaks to attendees as Deacon Don Allison, deason assistant at St. Aloysius Church n Baton Rouge, looks on. Photos by Nicole Jones/ Digital Media Manager
The first decade focused on acknowledging and accepting intense emotions that often accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide: shock, anger, guilt, despair and confusion.
“Such feelings are a normal part of one’s response to a tragic loss. Those who experience these intense feelings can ask God for the grace to accept and even embrace them as Mary did at the foot of the cross,” said Ducote. “By accepting them as normal, we can eventually move past them, with God’s help.”
The second decade focused on grieving.
“That ‘letting go’ is painful. But that pain is simply a reminder of how much we have loved. To cope with that pain of loss, we can ask for the assistance of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter,” said Ducote.
The third decade focused on self-care in the face of loss.
“That may mean giving ourselves permission to grieve at our own pace. Self-care may also include reaching out to friends and family who are willing to listen and offer support,” Ducote said. “We may even feel the need to join others who are grieving to know that we are not alone in that experience. Through that mutual support we can experience the Lord’s healing grace.”
The fourth decade focused on remembering the Lord’s mercy toward those who have taken their own lives.
“God, who is all merciful, can provide the opportunity for repentance, even in those circumstances,” said Ducote. “We can pray for those who have taken their own lives and entrust them to the mercy of God.”
The fifth decade focused on honoring and keeping alive the memory of those we have loved and lost.
“We remember their names, their faces, their voices, and we treasure the memories that continue to bind us to them. Despite their tragic death, we remember their life and we are grateful to God for the moments that we were allowed to spend with them,” Ducote said.
Deacon Pat Witty, deacon assistant at St. Mary of False River in New Roads, lights a candle from the Paschal Candle.
Attendees of the rosary, who were given the opportunity to speak aloud the names of their loved ones, were moved by the prayer experience.
“This time of year is difficult for me and my family,” said Deacon Pat Witty, deacon assistant at St. Mary of False River in New Roads, who led prayer at the rosary. “I lost my mom, dad and brother to cancer during December and early January. They all taught me so much during their lives; they also taught me a great deal as they dealt with their illnesses and impending death.”
Having been present with the dying and their families, Deacon Witty said, “Sometimes just joining in their grief is powerful.”
Grieving for a family can be hard, but by looking to Christ, people can make it through it, emphasized Deacon Witty.
“It can be the thing that binds us together and strengthens us,” he said.
Praying the rosary is a powerful way to seek the Blessed Mother’s intercession during a loss, according to Dina Dow, director of the office of evangelization and catechesis.
“Suffering is what most of us would like to avoid, yet we realize that suffering is part of living," said Dow. "This is true in the life of Jesus. This is true in the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary, she who is the first disciple of Jesus. This is also true in the life of all disciples of the Lord. God’s merciful love encompasses all who are in despair. We read in the Gospel of Matthew, ‘Come to me all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28).’ Rest and comfort originate from the hope of salvation and eternal life. We have new life in Christ.”